In a social landscape already atomized by the roles and relationships imposed on us, what of the rebel who wills to be able to focus enough to create his or her own life and attack the institutions of society intelligently and with force? A dissipation of force is all too easy when one practices general conviviality. If one wishes to accomplish anything significant, undifferentiated friendliness is an obstacle, a way to get nowhere.
It is the agony of those empassioned by living that they desire to share their lives with others, to find companions with whom to share what they create and what they love, to bridge the chasm this society creates between individuals. Often this means wasting years trying to find the few with whom one can truly share friendship, those few whose life projects can intertwine with ones own for a while. But even when this chasm closes, when one finds a friend or two, it is only for a while, then the rift begins to open, the pain, the tearing of one’s heart, the knowledge that one is once again alone, crying across the chasm, hearing only the echo, distorted by distance into something that one never said or desired. It seems that some avoid this agony… They learn how to compromise, to desire something easier. The projects of survival and of the group grant them a continent of contentment. I do not understand these people. Do I envy them? At moments, until I remember the level of life with which they have contented themselves…
Still, I want the companionship, the feeling that I can share projects – particularly projects of defiance. To defy society alone is frightening and limited, a sad affair… Yet better sadly alive than a breathing corpse.
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